I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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