After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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