I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
