wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
3pm strippers are depressing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
