Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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