I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
