Its about making memories worth repressing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
