my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
