Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
