matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
