I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
