Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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