Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
