He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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