Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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