Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
