Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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