You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
