Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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