We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
