It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You are a genius and a whore.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
