When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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