my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We had sex on a dog bed..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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