What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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