giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.