I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that