I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants