I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
