You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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