what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We smell like vodka and hangover
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