today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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