the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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