remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
