you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize