On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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