Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
