Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
