i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
