she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
