so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
