I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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