thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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