I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
