dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
