I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize