3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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