U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
