I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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