A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
