I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
