I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is it penis luge time yet?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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