I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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