guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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