I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
