I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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