For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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