rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
