You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Couch. On fire.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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