We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
