yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just threw up on my dentist
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
