He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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